Smitty delivers a great public service

Smitty translates the Politicalese, A.K.A. Bullshit that politicians speak. In this case he makes the words of Jim Moran of Virginia plain to understand, and it is no easy task, given that Moran is a gasbag of enormous proportions.

‘Gentleman’ Jim can be hard to understand at times. This blog will offer a running translation into non-bureaucrat, peon English as a public service.

Moran Smitty
“I appreciate the work of the conferees, but I oppose this conference agreement, not out of concern for the tens of thousands of federal employees that I represent, Listen, boys and girls, you may flatter yourself that you’re running the show, but who maintains the servers? Who keeps the supplies stocked? Who does the staff work? Mah peeps, that’s who. And if you think you can jerk them about without serious, yet purely accidental, consequences, you’re living in some 100+ year old Constitutional fantasy story.
but out of concern for the welfare of the great nation we serve. Now I’m going to say ‘we serve’ for the sake of that quaint Constitutional fantasy record, but don’t neglect to apply the Beltway Inversion and understand that to mean ‘which serves us’, or it’s going to get really ugly.
We are blessed with the least corrupt, most effective, least discriminatory, most responsive federal workforce in the world. As before, any of you mung-heads that don’t know I mean the precise opposite is probably a 2010 Tea Party freshman who should sit down and shut up. Should you survive re-election, you will be assigned a Special Re-education Camp date, where you can be ‘read in’ on precisely why you don’t mess with the bureaucracy.
And yet, how do we repay them? We are requiring them to increase their pension contributions by 400%, with no increase in benefits. Some of you really haven’t understood history since LBJ, have you? We drive this bus, and the American people either offer a simple, obsequious ‘thank you’, or they go under the bus. The drivers don’t pay to ride; they’re drivers. What part of this reality escaped you idiots?
So we are sending them a signal: ‘Sorry, we don’t really appreciate what you’re doing. You’re expendable. It’s a signal that will not be lost on the recruits that we desperately need in the future. Do you punks really want to see a traffic jam? Do you? You know darned good and well that if you want to see a job after you’re run out of office (as will not happen to me, by the way) or if you want a job for your little drooling idiot offspring, you’d better back off right now.
Let alone the hundreds of thousands, really, of federal employees who could easily be making more in the private sector. Because you know that if we have to make any adjustments, reductions-in-force, office closures, down-sizings, etc., we’re coming after your knucklehead friends first. The economy is parked in the toilet. If you like the bus, you had better quit rocking it right now.
The whole country is going to pay a price for the signal that this bill sends. That’s why I think we should defeat it.” You sunny beaches may be capable of starting a war, but my people will show you how to be twice as fast and three times as loud in begging for an end to it. You want to pick on somebody in a different seat on this bus, go for the military. Leave the drivers alone.

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