Don’t Call Them Easter Eggs, You Intolerant Monsters! They’re Spring Spheres

Don’t Call Them Easter Eggs, You Intolerant Monsters! They’re Spring Spheres – NewsReal

A Seattle public school has decided that Easter eggs are super offensive and not politically correct. They’ve renamed them Spring Spheres (even though eggs are not spheres. This is our public education system at work, people):

“At the end of the week I had an idea to fill little plastic eggs with treats and jelly beans and other candy, but I was kind of unsure how the teacher would feel about that,” Jessica said.

She was concerned how the teacher might react to the eggs after of a meeting earlier in the week where she learned about “their abstract behavior rules.”

“I went to the teacher to get her approval and she wanted to ask the administration to see if it was okay,” Jessica explained. “She said that I could do it as long as I called this treat ‘spring spheres.’ I couldn’t call them Easter eggs.”

Rather than question the decision, Jessica opted to “roll with it.” But the third graders had other ideas.

“When I took them out of the bag, the teacher said, ‘Oh look, spring spheres’ and all the kids were like ‘Wow, Easter eggs.’ So they knew,” Jessica said.

Of course they knew. Because they are Easter eggs.

Oh, it’s Seattle, one might say. Of course such things happen there. Hippies! Well, a similar thing occurred in my old hometown in New Jersey. The town Easter egg hunt was changed to “Spring Celebration. With Bunny.”

For reals.

They have since changed it again. One of the dreaded “E” words is no longer forbidden. No, no… not “Easter.” That would be going too far!

They only allow the word “egg” again.

Annual Spring Egg Extravaganza
by Jack Terhune on Mon, Apr 11 2011 11:31 AM
The Annual Spring Egg Extravaganza Is this Saturday April 16, 2011 in Wood Park. The “Hunt” begins at 10:30 A.M. sharp so don’t be late!!! Jack Terhune

I don’t know what a “spring” egg is. How is it different from, say, a summer egg? It looks better in different colors? What if you get a fall egg instead? Will it clash with all the rest?

It should be noted that I no longer live there, what with being an evil conservative, intolerant diversity-hater and all.

This town in New Jersey is rather swanky. And leans Democrat by a very large margin. Most of the time, there isn’t even a Republican on the ballot come city council election time. It is mostly white and primarily Christian and Jewish. In my nearly 40 years, I’ve yet to come across a person of the Jewish faith who was offended by Easter bunnies or Easter eggs. But, I suppose my 40 years of “rich life experiences” don’t count, since I’m plain old Caucasian and all.

Reality is not taken into consideration, natch. The Left’s default position is that other cultures, no matter how barbaric, must be not only tolerated, but embraced. In fact, we should give up some of our rights – like free speech – just to be all tolerant and accepting. It’s enlightened multiculturalism and all! Plus, they don’t know any better. We can’t expect them to have moral compasses. We have to just pat them on the head and appease them.

American traditions, however? Must be eradicated. They are the root of all evil, you see. Anyone who doesn’t believe the same, must be a redneck-y rube. Love to see children frolicking and giggling, searching for Easter eggs – and calling them that?

You are obviously bitterly clinging to your bible. I’m sure it’s somehow racist and anti-woman, too.

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One thought on “Don’t Call Them Easter Eggs, You Intolerant Monsters! They’re Spring Spheres”

  1. Come on, you can’t call them spring eggs, that would be offensive to Vegans and PETA People. However maybe Peta would not mind since to imply eating (or coloring) an egg was inhumane would be to imply life began before hatching which would of course offend NARAL. Maybe an egg is just an egg. Happy Easter!

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